seriously. and me, the procrastinator HAD to wait until 9:44 to start it. fuuuuuck. now i’m going to be up for another hour. OF COURSE. but whatever!! ill be trooper again. for the 300943984th night in a row of staying up late. but again i keep procrastinating going to bed early. why, the irony is rich! bleh. whatever. so i feel like everyone and their brother has a boyfriend, or somebody that they have a romantic interest in except me. me, the girl who like a total of two boys this year: one with a long term girlfriend and one that is so oblivious that he would never know, and neither of them i have the slightest interest in right now. what the fuck is wrong with me?? i don’t even care though. i hate being alone more than anything and for some fucking unknown reason i pretend that i love it and that i’m an independent woman who doesn’t need anyone. why? i have no fucking clue. maybe because my mom’s depended on a man for her whole life and i wouldn’t want to turn out like her? i honestly have no clue. wow. no wonder no guy wants to put up with my psychosis. its fucking insane. its whatever though. i’ll just go another day pretending not to give a fuck that i lost the only position I’ve ever ran for to some slutty tenth grader. sweet. i fucking love my life.